Pointing the Blame

Samantha Fox Olson in Hanalei.

A recent epiphany brought me to today’s article. I am going to cut to the chase in hopes to offer you an ah-ha moment for yourself too.

Back in 1992, I received a partial gymnastics scholarship to San Jose State University. I worked hard to receive that scholarship, no doubt. But the summer before my freshman year I hopped in a school bus with a handful of friends and followed the Grateful Dead.

It was awesome! We partied. We danced. I saw much of the world I had never seen before. And beyond cartwheels and backhand springs on the Dead Lot, I didn’t think about training at all.

Lets just say when I arrived to university, and back to the gym, I was out of shape. Mentally, I was not in the game. I spent an entire year there NOT bringing my A-game and wishing I was somewhere else.

You could say I didn’t like my coaches, and NEWS FLASH, they didn’t like me.

So when I was spontaneously reunited with my entire team and coaches on Facebook the other day, something very powerful happened for me.

I saw the team photos being shared and my ego came charging in, telling me ALL the reasons why my coaches were responsible for my lack of commitment and integrity as a team player and athlete that year. I told myself they just didn’t train me like my other coach. My other coach was motivating, fun, and wanted to bring out the best in me. All these two wanted was to put me down and get me in trouble.

Impressively, I did a REALLY good job at making up a whole story around why my freshman year as a gymnast was anything less than successful.

But then I caught myself. And — for the first time maybe since 1992 when I was on that team — I took responsibility for my wild ways. It was ME that did NOT show up fully. It was ME that failed to be in any-way-shape-or-form a solid contribution to our team. It was ME who lacked commitment and integrity and it was MY lack of motivation that hurt the team. WOW! I took a scholarship and then failed to follow through with bringing something empowering to share. If I were my coaches, I wouldn’t have liked me either.

How is that for an ass-kicking eye-opener?

To finally see it clearly, brought up a wave of emotions. I am responsible for my life!

I had been responsible all along. For everything. My failure in the gym that year was my fault and nobody else’s. That finger that I subconsciously pointed “out there” all those years, was now pointing right back at me. Rightfully so.

It’s not like I have been pondering my freshman year at SJSU for the last 23 years, I actually hadn’t even thought of that time frame for, well, forever. That was the past, and so long ago. So when this epiphany hit me it, was even more surprising.

Yet when I saw it clearly for what it was, and redirected the finger pointing blame from outside to inside, I felt accountable, responsible and empowered! I also apologized to my coach in a private message for my lack of integrity that year. That was huge for my process too.

So here’s the moral of the story: Who have you blamed, or who are you blaming for YOUR lack success?

Who are you pointing at? In my case it was a pointing that was taking place in the background of my awareness for years until it came to the forefront with Mach speed.

Contemplate this question and do some soul-searching. The answers may surprise you too.

Stop blaming others for your past failures. Take full responsibility for who you are. Forgive others and forgive yourself.

Recognize that your current situation will be exponentially more powerful when you stop blaming other people for your past (and present) inadequacies.

Because the truth of the matter is that you are powerful beyond measure. And when you have that finger pointed outside, you lose the power that comes from inside.

• Samantha Fox Olson leads 10-day Athlete Transformations to global audiences and helps her clientele achieve amazing results. Contact Samantha at samantha@kauaiyogaandfitness.com or at kauaiyogaandfitness.com